The ‘Reflection Technique’ of De-Escalation

The power of reflection, both literal and metaphorical, has long been acknowledged in psychology and negotiation techniques. Here, we delve into a unique, yet powerful method of winning or de-escalating arguments: by using a mirror.

This technique, while unconventional and only situationally possible (presence of a reflective surface; mirror, window etc.), leverages the innate human desire to see oneself as likeable and reasonable, thus promoting a calmer, more constructive discussion by a more cooperative and self-conscious person.

A critical tactic of de-escalation is ironically to not deny the person’s right/ability to become emotional at first, the hard part is diffusing it afterwards. The ‘reflection technique’ forces the person to achieve that hard part themselves.

      The ‘Reflection Technique’

The reflection technique involves strategically positioning oneself and the other party in front of a mirror during a discussion or argument. As in standing with your back to the mirror, allowing the other person to see their reflection.

This forces them to visually confront their own behavior in real-time, reducing the likelihood of overly dramatic, aggressive or hostile conduct.

This technique exploits the self-perception theory, which posits that people determine their attitudes and emotions based on their observable behavior. When someone sees themselves behaving aggressively, they are likely to reassess their conduct and adjust accordingly to align more with their self-perceived identity.

The direct and live reflection of themselves provides an unfiltered feedback loop of themselves, which can be a powerful tool for behavior modification.

      Enacting The Technique

While powerful, this technique isn’t foolproof. Some individuals may respond defensively or aggressively upon seeing their reflection during a heated argument, or will have no affect with people with no shame. It’s essential to use discretion and evaluate whether this method is suitable for the particular person and situation.

Moreover, using this technique requires careful thought and respect for the other person’s feelings. As it could be used to manipulate or embarrass them, it’s better to facilitate a more productive, respectful conversation.

If the goal of a combative argument is to “win”, de-escalating the situation is key. The reflection technique is simply a tool to aid in achieving this outcome. A reflection only holds power if one is willing to look into it and see the truth.